she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
