My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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