Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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