I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
