Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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