Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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