I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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