Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
