woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Less talking, more tequila
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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