the condom got lost in my hair
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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