I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
