I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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