You can't motorboat a personality
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So much rum. So many feels.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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