no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
