Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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