You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
