I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
