You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize