Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
