Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
