I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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