you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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