every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
