i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
