i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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