Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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