my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
