And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
