I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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