dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
