I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize