I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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