Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
