y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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