Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
