Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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