i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
