you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
