He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
