I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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