So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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