ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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