Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
whose parrot is this?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
