She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
