remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
