i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
