She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
