im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
