Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize