Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
