Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
