She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
