I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
