i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
