Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
