and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
