My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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