Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
