...so i touched it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
there is glitter all over my balls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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