I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
