Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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