There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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