Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
