God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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